Jun 8 2013

This or that

A long time ago (1978) over the summer I volunteered at a residential center for children, teens and adults with special needs who had very challenging behaviors and often were violent when they did not get their way. One day one of my supervisors gave me a gift. The gift that she imparted was a skill that has helped me with my own children (my eldest son has ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and addictions), teaching Sunday school and working with kids who have special needs. Over time I mastered the skill of shared control through choices. When done correctly, it will reduce power struggles, gives the child a sense of control (no one likes to feel controlled) and empowers them over their feelings. This is important, especially for children often like to engage in an argument or are defiant. Sometimes I will ask the SHINE class, do you want to the lesson now or in 10 minutes? (The choices I give are options that I can live with and do not put any burdens on anyone else.) So whether they choose now or later, it doesn’t matter to me, but gives them time to process what they are doing is coming to an end and lesson will be starting soon or if they are ready to precede that is equally okay with me. Another example, “Sue, are you going to clean your room now or after dinner?” Your goal as a parent is to have her room clean, whether it is before or after dinner isn’t important, a clean room is the result. Sometimes a child has difficulty regulating their emotions and through shared control you can teach them how they decide how they are going to feel. Often young children who are shy or anxious feel like they are “stuck” when they have to go somewhere they do not want to go and often cry. Taking their hands I show them “Hands”. Taking one hand and calling it the “sad hand” and taking the other hand and calling it the “happy hand”. I go onto tell them they have the choice to feel either happy or sad while they are waiting for mom to come get them; “happy hand” is going to have a lot of fun while they wait for mom but not “sad hand”. Then I ask them which hand do they choose; “happy hand” or “sad hand”. Almost always they choose “happy hand” and goes off to play happily.

                                           Some guidelines on control through choices:

* Each choice, only has two options, each of those options have to be equally acceptable to you

* NEVER give a choice that causes more work or burden for others

* If the child doesn’t decide in ten seconds, decide for him or her

By Special Needs Kidz
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Jun 3 2013

Sunday’s with Kids Who Have Special Needs

IPAD Education Recently, I attended the Orange Conference in Atlanta to learn and hear about the new topics on ministering to families who have children/teens with special needs. With over half of my students, are either a preteen or a teen, I am always on the interested in new ways to meet their physical, social, emotional and spiritual needs. I settled into my seat to listen to Meaghan Wall from Stonebriar Community Church, Stacy Hodge from Joni & Friends in Dallas/Fort Worth and Wendi Akers from Lake Pointe Church, speak about how they are able to meet the needs of their students.

These amazing ladies shared varying strategies that they have incorporated to meet their student’s needs. Here are some of the tools that they use in their classrooms:

  • iPads- Loaded with Glo Bible, You Version Bible, Biblical, non-Biblical games and appropriate videos that help visual leaners better understand the lesson.
  • Worship music in a large group setting or age appropriate
  • Sunday school lessons using modified Orange 252 and Friendship Ministry Curriculum
  • Student Retreat Weekend-This could be at a camp, someone’s house or at church
  • Respite Friday Night-Bowling, karaoke, movie, crafts, life-size Jenga or board games
  • Special Events-Fall festival, the Zoo(our next outing), picnics or the beach
  • Christmas Dinner-It is a seat down dinner that is served by volunteers.
  • Talent show

Children with mental illness, behavioral disorders and developmental disorders on the rise, we need to be creative in meeting their spiritual, physical and emotional needs. These wonderful ladies are meeting the needs of their students in a practical and effects ways.

Feb 6 2013

Orange Conference

April 24-26, 2013

Gwinnett Center 6400 Sugarloaf Parkway

Duluth, Georgia 30097

The theme for this year’s Orange Conference is FOCUS.
What an interesting word…FOCUS.

FO•CUS- main emphasis: concentrated effort or attention on a particular thing.

As a bi-vocational ministry leader, keeping my focus on the task that God has called me to is a real challenge! Most days I am really good at being focused and then there are those days (well, we all know those days) when FOCUS just gets lost! I want, no need, to have the kind of FOCUS and clarity that Moses, Joshua, Nehemiah, Daniel, Solomon and Jesus had. FOCUS that was long term, that needed grit finish the task when it became hard. Yes, that is the FOCUS that I need!

In April I will go to the Orange Conference so I can re-FOCUS with laser precision on SHINE-Skyline Church’s Special Needs ministry to bring Jesus into their lives. Do you have the FOCUS that you need in your ministry? If you need to re-FOCUS on your ministry and eliminate distraction then you need to attend the Orange Conference in April.
See you there!

Jan 19 2013

Awana and Children with Special Needs

Awana LogAwana is a program that is designed to come alongside churches and parents to help develop spiritually strong children. During each weekly meeting kids memorize and recite verses and God’s Word in planted in their hearts. In addition to this, the kids participate in a game time and enjoy a small snack. The peals of laughter coming from the game square, the joy of enjoying a simple snack and the look of intense concentration as they recite their memorized verses are things that every parent dreams of for their child. Parents of children who have cognitive or behavioral special needs would love to have their child included and able to participate in Awana, but they are often not invited to participate. That said, there are a number of benefits both to the special needs child and the other children to inviting these kids to participate in Awana.
They include:
 Children with cognitive and behavioral special needs often lack the appropriate social skills that are needed to negotiate the world around them. When they are able to participate with children developing in a more typical fashion, they are able to learn and master appropriate social skills. In turn children without special needs benefit by interacting with and helping the child with special needs do their verses, learn the rules of a game or by just playing and having fun.
 While children with these special needs may not be able to recite their verses perfectly, they are able to hide Jesus in their hearts. As there leaders and teachers, this is something that the Bible calls us to help them with. Awana handbooks can be modified to fit a particular child’s ability (one year I had a child with bipolar disorder who could not memorize her verses. I modified the requirements for her. As long as she could explain to me what a verse meant, she was able to pass to the next section). The emphasis is not on the perfection of reciting a verses but on understanding the verses.
 Children crave acceptance. The Awana program is a place where a child can be accepted as himself and develop friendships with other typically developing children in a safe atmosphere. As adults we have the responsibility of modeling acceptance of children and adults who are different from ourselves.
It is simple; they want to have fun too! Working with children with special needs may have its challenges but when you see the happiness in the child’s eyes and the gratitude from their parents it is all worth it! What is your church doing to help kids with special needs join program like Awana? What benefits have you seen in kids and leaders in having special needs kids in these programs?

By Special Needs Kidz
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Oct 26 2012

Social Skills

Over the years I have lead a support group and worked with parents whose children have learning disabilities or have behavioral disorders at our church. Parents often express their frustrations about their child’s academic performance; however these same parents are reduced to tears when they realize that their child does not have any friends endures isolation every day at church/school or is a target of a bully. We can accommodate or make allowances for a child’s academics performance through academic modifications; however we are unable to compensate or modify for their lack of social skills or peer acceptance.

Almost every situation that we encounter is a social interaction; from getting along with peers, siblings, teachers, parents to gift giving. What are social skills and why are they so important?  Social Skills are a collection of isolated and discrete learned behaviors that enable an individual to interact appropriately in a social setting. The lack of social skills or the mastery of social skills will affect the child’s entire life and can be the determining factor in their future success, happiness and acceptance by others. Accepted etiquette is a part of the social skills set; however it will not improve their acceptance at church or school. For those children who lack social skills we need to teach them in a sequential and deliberate manner.

In recent years studies show that children with learning disorders, sensory integration disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder and Asperger Syndrome have particular difficulty learning social skills that most children and adults learn by “osmosis”. The current research shows they;

  • Are more likely to be rejected or isolated by classmates or peers
  • Are more often the object of negative or non-supportive statements, criticism, warnings and nonverbal reactions from teachers
  • Are less likely to adapt to new social settings
  • Are more likely to be judged negatively by adults after informal observation
  • Receive less affection from parents and siblings
  • Have less tolerance for frustration and failure
  • Use oral language that is less mature, meaningful or concise
  • Have difficulty interpreting or inferring the meanings of others in a conversation
  • Seeing from another perspective, or taking conversational turns
  • Have difficulty understanding humor, sarcasm, or ambiguities in oral language
  • Chronic rejection and separation from peers at school compromises academic success
  • Mental health (anxiety, depression) is closely associated with and is often made worse by social incompetence.

Think back to the last time you observed two children “fighting” or engaging in a not so friendly conversation in your class…what is the core of the issue? Did one of the children encroach on another child’s sense of space? Did one of the younger children hit another child out of frustration due to missed nonverbal signal to leave them alone? Are they left alone due to the child’s inability to enter into a conversation or group of peers? With approximately 55% of all communication is nonverbal, 40% is communicated through tone of voice and 5% are the actual words it is easy to see how a child’s social skill deficit can affect their ability to make and keep friends at church.  One of the easiest and most effective strategies to help a child learn social skills during a squeamish will take you about 2 minutes and will leave both children with their dignity.

  1. Ask the children what happened, starting at the beginning allowing each child to tell their side of the story in a private conversation with you. Don’t interrupt or be judgmental.
  2. Restate the problem to the children. Once you have clarified what the “problem” is, ask the offending child what was the “social error” or mistake that they made. If they are too able to articulate or identify the problem coach them through this process.
  3. Once the error has been identified, come up with possible alternatives to the situations or what the effects of their behaviors is on others i.e.; standing to close, making fun of someone’s clothing, etc. Don’t say “should” instead use “could” which helps the child to see what options are available. Avoid scolding or reprimanding when it is a social skill problem, not a willful act of disobedience or misbehavior.

Using this technique for social skills errors or problems allows the child to learn the needed skills in “a safe, non-threatening manner and are more likely to want to participate in “problem solving”. Most children will respond positively to this technique when they see this as a teaching moment, not as “I am in trouble again” moment.

 

“You can’t dry tears with notebook paper.” – Charles Schultz

Oct 11 2012

The Worries of Kids and The Strength of God (The Worry Box)

Recently, I was teaching a class of kindergarten through fifth graders on the Fruit of the Spirit, Peace. As a visual cue, I used Rembrandt’s painting of Jesus sleeping during a storm on the Sea of Galilee while his disciples were frantic. I related the story of the peace that Jesus had even during the ferocious storm. The children found it difficult to relate to the peace that Jesus had during the storm and explained that they most understood and related to the feelings of the disciples.
As we discussed how to gain the peace like Jesus had, regardless of our circumstances and how worry steals our peace, I asked what worries them and what steals their peace. Their responses were candid and heart breaking:

• decisions on who to live with after a divorce when their parents lived in different states
• parents who are fighting
• fear of parents dying because they drink beer

At that moment, it occurred to me that what they needed was a Worry Box. I quickly found a “box,” paper and pens and had them write out the things that worry them – what steals their peace. As they placed their worries into the box we continued to discuss peace. After everyone was done putting their papers into the Worry Box, we prayed over them releasing the worries to God. We prayed that God would give the children the wisdom to do what they can do and the peace that only God can give.

Later in the day, I brought those worries home with me so I could go through them and add them to my prayer book. What I found was even more heart breaking. Behind those young smiling faces and “carefree” persona’s there are giant sized worries that only God can help them with. Their hearts were filled with turmoil. Now, in addition to prayer requests, I will also have a Worry Box. Over time I will ask them individually about their worries in the box and if God has given them any peace over them.

What is in your Worry Box…God’s peace or the world’s turmoil?

Sep 24 2012

A Mom’s Perspective- Church and a Son with Special Needs

I always dreamed of being a mom; as matter of fact I can not remember a day when this wasn’t so. So when we adopted our son, Jonathan, my dreams of being a mom came true!  From the day we picked him up from the foster parents’ house to bring him home, our lives were forever changed, and we were launched into a journey that we could never have foreseen or dreamed up!

By the time we started attending church in 1995, Jonathan had already been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD).  He was 10 years old, and by the time he turned 11 he was also diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome. We had sought medical and behavioral advise from medical doctors, psychiatrists and therapists. Like many parents who are rearing children with behavioral disorders, our lives were filled with a lot of stress and challenges…well, really a lot of  problems.  Some problems were typical challenges that most families face; however we had additional challenges that were severe and ongoing.  How were we going to pay for the therapist that the insurance did not cover? Who was going to stay home when he was suspended from school again (in preschool we were asked to leave the school due to his behavior)? What are the options for behavior management and medications? How was his behavior going to affect his relationship with his younger brother? How were the other kids going to accept him, especially after Jonathan started displaying symptoms of Tourette Syndrome? What were we going to do when he had another melt down? When will this end?

 

Jonathan seemed to do okay at first in church and at Sunday school. Often times I would pick him up and be told,  again that he did not behave well in class (same story different place). As the years rolled by he was not accepted by his peers or the adult leaders. He was the square peg trying (well sort of) to fit into a round hole. The middle and high school leaders at this time choose to ignore him and my pleas for help, to “hope” it would just go away so they would not have to deal with the problem.  Jonathan’s problems just continued to grow and spiral out of control.

During this time, I was blessed to be in a weekly  women’s Bible study group from our church. These ladies were a gift from God! They prayed over me, prayed for our family and problems. While they did not have the answers we were seeking, they sat and listened, they cried with me and when there was a break through they rejoiced with me! I do not know how I would have made it without these ladies’ prayers, acts of love and their availability to listen, just to listen. I, also needed to be accepted and loved in spite of my son having a lot of problems.

It would be easy to blame someone for not trying harder in the middle and high school years, however that is not the reason I share a glimpse of my story. Often when we see a child with a special need we  address their needs for Sunday school, Awana or any other events that they participate in the Children’s ministry. There are so many more needs that may need to be addressed for a  family with a behavioral or developmental special need/s.

I have learned that when I work with a family who has a child/children with special needs, I really need to find out if there are any other needs in the family that need to be addressed. Some of those needs are:

  • Do any of the siblings need extra attention and care? Play dates with a parent without the sibling with special needs? Siblings sometimes do not receive the same attention as the child with special needs. Sometime leaving them feeling resentment and anger towards their sibling and/or parents.
  • Respite for the family. Babysitters are hard to come by that are able to watch children with difficult behaviors.
  • Financial needs. Food pantry, clothing, resources for financial aid, gift cards for something  “fun”, gas, etc…
  • Adult leaders that can mentor or aid a child as they go through middle and high school. Difficult for most teens but especially challenging with extra behavioral or developmental needs.
  • Church therapist, support group or someone who can just care for the adults, to listen, to do the laundry, to make dinner, or whatever is needed at that moment.
  • Emergency contact within the church leaders and lay leaders. This is so important! When we needed extra help we had no one who could come right away to help us.
  • Tell the parents something positive about the child with special needs! We hear the negatives ALL THE TIME, please tell us something good about him!
  • Remember YOU make the difference!  You may be the only positive influence outside of the worn out parents so mail a card saying how much you like their sense of humor, their creativity, even their energy!
  • Lastly pray for them!
ipad
Sep 24 2012

Sunday School iPad Apps

In our Sunday school class, SHINE, we use iPads as an additional tool to teach children with special needs about the Bible and Jesus. Some of the apps are fun and help the students with their visual skills, other apps are more instructional in nature and some apps are used to enhance communication with children who are non-verbal. The children in my class have a wide range of cognitive and physical abilities so I use a wide range of apps to facilitate their understanding of the Bible and who Jesus is. In addition I often use Glo Bible on my iPad which has great graphics, actual photos and painting to enhance the lesson and to bring it to life.

In class they are allowed free play on the iPads only after the class lesson, craft and music are done. During this period of time the students are able to choose from 16 game apps. There are two additionally apps that are non-educational and they can choose to play after they have played 10 minutes or longer on an educational app. These two apps help reinforce creativity, the lesson they have learned and help them with their hand eye coordination shills.

Granny Bible Dojo–Inside Out Studios
This is one of the kids’ favorite games! This is a fast action game that teaches the books of the Bible as you karate chop your way through the different books. Granny Dojo’s training is challenging for kids of all ages and abilities. The students earn trinkets to go into Granny’s curio cabinet. I love this game because it is engaging and challenging making it fun to learn.

Bible Time–Bible Time
Bible Time has two modes to choose from…Free Play or Story Mode (think electronic felt board). Free Play allows you to freely create a story from the time period of Jesus. I love having the kids create a picture and then tell me a story about the picture. It is a great way to enhance social skills and spark creativity. In Story Mode you choose from 6 separate Bible scenes that you need to recreate. As you accomplish the various levels it unlocks the next level for the student. Great graphics and is easy to use.

Where’s Jesus–King Solomon Publishing
Great search game! Students need to find Jesus, Mother Mary, Moses, David, the lion, the lamb, and the dove. You can play this game with a timer or until you find the character. There are three modes of difficulty to choose from. After you complete a level it unlocks the next level till you reach level 10.
Potentially there are 30 levels…10 easy, 10 medium and 10 hard. This game is great for kids who have like to play hidden object games.

Noah’s Ark–Goodies LLC
Easy match game for all the animals that need to go onto Noah’s ark. Noah’s Ark helps kids learn animal names and the sounds that they make. Noah’s Ark is easy to play.

Bible Game–Copenhagen House
This app comes in two separate formats…Old Testament and New Testament. Your students can play the memory games, color the coloring pages, do the jigsaw puzzle, read silently or record their voice as they read the lesson. As the student plays the jigsaw puzzle you can tell the story about the puzzle they are working on or have them tell you the story.

Bible Memory–Zonderkidz
Fantastic game for children who are able to read and are seeking a challenging game! When you start the adventure you can choose from easy, medium or hard modes. Once they choose the mode that they want to play they can read verses, read aloud (record), do verse scramble or save their favorite verses. They earn prizes as they succeed with each challenge. Learning disguised as fun!

Bible or not!–Bible or Not
The students are given a statement and they must decide whether it is from the Bible or not. Once they decide the answer is reveled and the reference is given where you can find the verse in the Bible or who said the quote. Challenging for all ages!

Chalkboard–Conol Inc.
This is one of the apps that I use that is not educational. One of my goals for my students is to encourage them to tap into their creative side. This app is especially useful with children who have a limited vocabulary or have trouble articulating what they need or feel. Chalkboard is fun way to write answers down or draw if your student has difficulty holding a pencil, pen or marker.

Fruit Niji–Half Brick
This game is fun! The kids love playing this game either solo or with another student! One of the reasons I chose this game is because it helps my students with their hand-eye coordination and social skills when playing the game with another players. I also have used this game with students who are just being introduced to the iPad and are having difficulty grasping the concept of swiping or using the pads of their fingers.

Many of the parents of my students use these apps on their iPads, iPod Touch or an Apple phones so they can reinforce what their children have learned on Sunday. With many new apps becoming available finding apps to compliment your current curriculum and for your students to learn about Jesus just got easier.

By Special Needs Kidz
0
Aug 27 2012

The Twins

Fear and anxiety, the twins. They are thieves that rob us of our joy, trust, peace and ultimately our faith.
They keep us chained to doubt, turmoil, and anger and hinder our ability to take the next step in our lives. Satan loves to use anxiety and fear to keep us in his control and bondage. Over the years I have worked hard to overcome fear and anxiety, often doing things head on while feeling the anxiety or fear. You know the dreaded “what if…” thoughts that pop into your head. If you asked me at this point I would tell you that generally I do not fear too much anymore–only upside down rollercoasters and zip lines! Otherwise if anxiety pops up I just face what I have to do head on driving the “twins” back.

Then one day the kids in my Sunday school class were preparing to go to camp and we were talking about all the activities that we would be able to enjoy (most of my students had not ever been to camp due to their special needs). Everyone was so excited except for one student. Julianne was starting to get really anxious and fearful about zip line. After reassuring her that she did not have to go on the zip line; however if she went on the zip line I would also go. I have to be honest here, I really did not think that she would try it so I was “safe” knowing I would not have to face that fear. Mostly, I was hoping that she would try something new and would come out feeling victorious for facing down the “twins”–fear and anxiety.

On the second day of camp, we headed to the zip line so the kids and counselors could take turns on the zip line. I eagerly cheered the students on and took my place down below in order to take pictures of the kids. They kids were jubilant as they flew down the line and one of the girls walked back up with her hands raised in triumph! In the next moment I couldn’t believe my eyes as I saw Julianne start strapping on the equipment so she could take her turn. I knew that she was nervous but she has a look of determination on her face. Up the ladder she climbed without hesitating and once on the landing she took her appointed place on the platform. A few moments later she was flying down the length of the zip line! Wow! I was so proud of her!

A few moments later she reminds me that she had fulfilled her end of the challenge, now it was my turn! My legs turned to noodles, my heart was racing but a challenge is a challenge. Nervously I climbed into the gear and climbed up the ladder. Oh how my heart was racing and I felt like fleeing; but I knew that wasn’t an option. Standing on the platform I made a major mistake…I looked down. Ugh, now my heart felt like it would explode! The attendants told me hold on to a certain area and just fall forward to go. I was sure there was super glue stuck to me because my backside was not moving off the landing. I kept hearing my voice say “I can’t do this” but I knew that I needed to do it…it just was a long ways down to the ground. Finally I asked one of the workers to push off the landing. Once off the landing I felt so free, so triumphant and happy to have faced the “twins” and won!

In the midst of helping Julianne to conquer a facet of anxiety and fear, I have inadvertently helped myself to get beyond the “what if’s” in my life. It has helped me to remember that fear is really False Evidence Appearing Real. What are the “twins” holding you back from?

By Special Needs Kidz
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